A Dark Cloud Of Negative Thoughts!

Today was a very unusual day for me. It started off like it usually does with me getting out of bed (actually me not wanting to get out of bed and then convincing myself with the saying that Dr. Phil has said about "I want you to get excited about your life"). Today I was going to make a stew so that meant some leisure time in the kitchen while watching TV. Well first was breakfast, consisting of eggs and bacon and coffee - Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day and I should really (and so should everyone else) eat breakfast at the start of the day anyway. One of the things that I am working on is to take my time and not be so stressed and stop trying to do everything in one minute and one movement which means enjoying my breakfast at a leisurely pace and then cleaning up at a leisurely, relaxing and "not rushed" pace - which is what I did. OK now thats done so now its time for me to make my stew. My ingredients:

• some beef cubes (I got from the supermarket specifically for the stew)
• salt & pepper
• onions
• garlic
• potatoes
• lima beans

I start chopping vegetables (while watching a soap opera) and the power goes out! "Okay", I thought. "I know I paid my bill so that can't be it", I thought. It was very windy and rainy today so that must be it. Okay, no problem because its daylight and I don't need the kitchen light any way. The burner is already on with the meat in the pot already so I don't have to worry about stopping and hey I don't need anything electric to cut up vegetables because I was just using a regular kitchen knife. So I thought "Hey, I can continue to make my stew and look out my kitchen window which provides relaxing scenery - and with the wind blowing and the rain coming down and the leaves blowing everywhere it is quite a relaxing scene. Besides the quiet of not having the tv on will give me a chance to meditate (while I'm preparing my stew) on the kind of life that I want. This was a perfect opportunity for me to do some "grounding" and "centering" - just like I mentioned in a previous post. Its almost like this situation was set up explicitly for that purpose since this is one of the things that I am having the most trouble with. Hence the dark cloud! Negative thoughts! The just seem to take on a life (and power) of their own - at least in my case! Is it a simple matter of just getting rid of the negative thoughts? Its not so simple for me and the bottom line (I know) is to MAKE it simple. Its just as simple as that but when it comes time for me to practice it the negative thoughts creep in and take hold - sometimes to the point of me having anxiety attacks!

So I'm cutting and chopping vegetables and trying to keep myself grounded and centered. Its a 50/50 thing with my mind going back and forth between the positive and negative. It started to become overwhelming so I decided to have a complete meditation session after I finished cutting the vegetables and while letting the stew slowly cook. I went in to my livingroom, lit a "relaxing" candle and sat in the big comfortable chair and closed my eyes so that I could focus on grounding and centering myself. I thought and focused only on the things that I wanted and how I wanted them to be. No negative thoughts (for the most part). My state became relaxed and while I didn't fall asleep I was just a step above it meaning that I was very relaxed and calm. I continued to do this for an hour and a half and as always doing this kind of thing always relaxes me. Then guess what? The power comes back on!

But this is not the end of the story! After the power came back on I went back into the kitchen to check on my stew and this overwhelming power came over me to take a nap! More specifically it felt like my body and mind and spirit were saying to take a rest from "it all" - meaning the stress and the things that I was worrying about. And that is just what I did. I took a nap! It was dark by now and I just closed myself off in my room and lied down specifically with the purpose of not being in any other state than just total relaxation. After I woke up I felt more better, more relaxed and ready to take on the world! Guess how long my nap was? 1 Hour!